Selected teachings of L. Ron "Adolf" Hubbard

"The sudden and abrupt deletion of all individuals occupying the lower bands of the tone scale from the social order would result in an almost instant rise in the cultural tone and would interrupt the dwindling spiral into which any society may have entered."

"There are only two answers for the handling of people from 2.0 down on the tone scale, neither one of which has anything to do with reasoning with them or listening to their justification of their acts. The first is to raise them on the tone scale by un-enturbulating some of their theta by any one of the three valid processes. The other is to dispose of them quietly and without sorrow."

"It is not necessary to produce a world of clears in order to to have a reasonable and worthwhile social order; it is only necessary to delete those individuals who range from 2.0 down, either by processing them enough to get their tone level above the 2.0 line...or simply quarantining them from the society."

"If you were to weed out of your past by proper search and discovery those anti-social persons you have known and if you disconnected, you might experience great relief. Similarly, if society were to recognise this personality as a sick being, as they now isolate people with smallpox, both social and economic recoveries could occur. Things are not going to get much better so long as 20% of the population is permitted to dominate and injure the lives and enterprise of the remaining 80%." 


We can confirm that Battlefield Earth is as bad as they say, although not so bad that it's worth seeing in a "so-bad-it's-good" sort of way. However, contrary to rumours, we failed to notice any subliminal messages pertaining to Scientology, the mysterious scare-o-cult started by L. Ron Hubbard, the author of the original Battlefield Earth novel, and supported by celebrities like the film's John Travolta, and his Look Who's Talking co-star, Kirstie Allie. 

Nevertheless, we felt somehow compelled to produce this in-depth feature. Here are 13 Things You Genuinely Never Knew about Hollywood's favourite "religion"

  1. The Church Of Scientology was formed in Los Angeles in 1954, by science fiction author L. Ron Hubbard. In 1923 Hubbard had begun studies into the mind and spirit, and it was upon his findings that Scientology's principles were established. Scientology claims to offer "A precise path leading to a complete and certain understanding of one's true spiritual nature and of one's relationship with self, family, groups, mankind, all life forms, the material universe, the spiritual universe and the Supreme Being, or infinity." During his life, Hubbard wrote over 500,000 pages of Scientology theology. Though he apparently died a multi-millionaire in 1986, The Church Of Scientology tells us: "Although Mr. Hubbard departed his body in 1986, he is still with us in spirit."
  2. The prime belief among Scientologists is that Man is a spiritual entity, or "Thetan", capable of feats beyond those which he will normally envisage. Scientologists claim they are able to unlock these abilities through processes known as "Dianetics". Among the beliefs taught through Dianetics, is the belief that mental pictures of, say, the breakfast you had this morning, aren't merely memories but are composed of energy, and have weight and mass within three dimensional space. Scientology teaches that all of the "mental image pictures" you accumulate through your life are known as your "time track". Certain types of particularly vivid "mental image pictures" are called "engrams". Dianetics explains engrams clearly via the following equation: "A=A=A=A=A". Scientologist processes attempt to erase false engrams in followers, resulting in a state of mind known as "Clear". Scientologists would like to "Clear the planet". That is, "eliminate war, crime and insanity". Geddit? 
  3. Like Christians, Jews, and that, Scientologists have their own special symbol. It comprises the letter "S", and a double triangle. The points of the lower triangle represent the "ARC": Affinity, Reality and Communication. The upper triangle is the "KRC" triangle, representing Knowledge, Responsibility and Control.
  4. Unlike other religions, which are primarily based around books and stupid statues, like Jedi Knights, Scientologists use advanced, futuristic technology to "audit" its members. Auditing is the process whereby Scientology ministers cure spiritual upset. They do this using an instrument known as an "electro-psychometer", or "E-Meter". It is an electronic device used to test the mental state of an individual. The E-Meter does this by running a small electric current through a person's body, and reads the "mental image pictures" flowing through the "Thetan". The area of spiritual trauma is then pinpointed by an "Auditor", via the E-Meter's readout.
  5. Within Scientology there are several governing bodies. The Office Of Special Affairs directs the legal affairs of the Church, and works to expose violations of human rights, and close down Internet sites which are particularly critical of Scientology. The alleged secret purpose of the OSA is as follows: "1.To provide early warning of threats to Scientology or its leaders. 2.To discover the extent of information on Scientology held by governments. 3.To unearth compromising information on opponents of Scientology. "
  6. Another semi-secret division of Scientologyis the Flag Service Organisation. Based upon a 450 long ship, off the coast of Florida, "Flag" deals in advanced spiritual training and auditing. Another division, The Sea Organisation, is composed of the most dedicated Scientologists in the world - a bit like the Jedi Council, in The Phantom Menace. Like Flag, it is run from a number of ships, and members must sign a token billion-year contract dedicating their life to Scientology. 
  7. Those within the upper echelons of Scientology are privy to a number of scriptures and texts that are kept from public view. These texts are said to deal with very advanced levels of spiritual counselling, and are kept hidden because "premature exposure could impede spiritual development".
  8. Scientology is supported financially by its members. Though it runs a small number of free churches, the path to spiritual enlightenment does not come cheap. Perhaps explaining the high number of millionaire celebrities who are advocates of Scientology, those wishing to "go Clear", can expect to be asked for a donation of at least 5,000. More intensive "processing" can cost up to 26,000. 
  9. Then again, The Church Of Scientology actively courts high-profile celebrity members, and has set up special "Celebrity Centres" around the world, offering Dianetics services to "artists and professionals in such fields as the performing arts, fine arts, sports and business." You know - high-profile people with lots of money, basically.
  10. As well as Travolta and Alley, other confirmed celebrity Scientologists include Priscilla and Lisa Marie Presley, singer Al "Moonlighting Theme Tune" Jarreau, and - shocker! - Nancy Cartwright, who does the voice of Bart Simpson.
  11. Among those who have opposed Scientology are the psychiatric profession, the US security services, and "Germans". 
  12. Some former Scientologists have claimed that the Church held them against their will. One Lisa McPherson was allegedly held for 17 days against her will, before dying while in the custody of the Church. The state of Florida has subsequently filed charges, while McPherson's family have sued for imprisonment and wrongful death. Several high-ranking Scientologists were convicted for stealing government documents, while founder L. Ron Hubbard himself was once convicted of fraud by a French court.
  13. According to the Church's doctrine, anyone who speaks out against Scientology "Cannot be granted the rights and beingness ordinarily accorded rational beings."
  14. In one of Hubbard's early writings on Scientology doctrine, The Creation Of Human Ability, the author discusses "R2-45". Not a character in Star Wars Episode 2, R2-45 is actually described as "a highly effective process for exteriorization, but its use is frowned upon by this society at this time". This isn't terribly surprising, given that "exteriorization" is Scientology speak for "being killed". Opponents of Scientology have alleged that R2-45 is a codename used when ordering the murder of opponents. Perhaps he's an assassin droid, or something.
  15. However, not all of Scientology is scary; some of it is just plain mad. Scientologists believe they have been being reincarnated for four quadrillion years - before the creation of the universe even. Scientologists seek a return to this "energy state", and seek to become an "operating thetan" - a being who, like Ben Kenobi after he died, is comprised entirely of energy, but is capable of causing physical events through sheer force of will. 
  16. It gets better. According to Hubbard, the planet Earth - then known as "Teegeeack" - was once part of a Galactic Federation along with 76 other planets. However, 95 million years ago the Federation was suffering from over-population, and so the Federation's evil ruler, Xenu, captured billions of alien species, transported them to Earth, and killed them all by detonating the planet's volcanoes using hydrogen bombs, and then harvested their spirits. Hubbard called this "Incident II" (Incident I being the creation of the universe, or something like that). The Sea Organisation's insignia carries 22 stars, relating to the 22 planets which had their populations decimated by Incident II. Most Scientologists will not even say the name "Xenu", and others will allegedly pretend they've never even heard of him. Bonkers it may be, but so is some guy who walks on water, and turns water into wine, and pulls fish out of his arse at weddings. 

    Battlefield Earth is on general release now.

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