SIT-COMS BASED UPON THE LIFE OF FRED WEST
10. The Madman's Family
9. Are You Being Harmed?
8. Gouge And Mildred
7. Man Behaving Madly
6. Dad's Barmy
5. Absolutely Stab-u-lous
4. Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em
3. It Don't 'Alf Hurt Mum
2. Drop The Dead Daughter (In The Hole)
1. Only Fred And Corpses


Discover the Ultimate Streaming Music Recorder


Previous Result
GUYS ONLY POLL
Which of these characteristics are most important in a partner?

Good sense of humour 20%
Non-smoker 8%
Blonde hair 7%
Pierced nipples 13%
Must be able to make a noise like a dolphin 50%

total votes

812

Previous Result
GIRLS ONLY POLL
Which of these characteristics are most important in a partner?

Owns his own house

4%

High income 13%
Prehensile tail 20%
Convicted murder 15%
Lives in a piano 45%

total votes

344

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The Six Million Dollar Man
The Six Million Dollar Man began life as three 1973 TV movies based upon some long-forgotten two dime novel, entitled Cyborg. Though the movies were mercilessly Bond-esque, the ongoing series – which hit screens in 1974 – played down the secret agent and womanising aspects in favour of a more straight action approach and, in later seasons, ridiculous slapstick.  
THE INCREDIBLE HULK
Get a load of this: Bruce Banner was standing at a set of traffic lights next to this woman, and he suddenly got really angry, and turned into The Incredible Hulk, and his trousers burst open, and the woman freaked out and ran across the road and got hit by a bus and was instantly killed.

 


SCOOBY DOO
"Rooby Rooby Roooooo!" Popular opinion has it that Hanna-Barbera’s Scooby Doo went all crap upon the introduction to the series of his pint-sized nephew Scrappy. 

 

 

RUBIKS CUBE
Wild-eyed foreign loner (possibly) Professor Erno Rubik is, undoubtably, a genius - albeit probably only in the same manner that Albert Einstein is, y’know, a "genius" for inadvertently inventing a weapon which has, inevitably, doomed the human race to extinction. Having said that, not even in our most fevered moments would we ever contemplate Erno Rubik’s invention as being possible of genocide.

BOY BANDS
Those who decry the modern music industry as a manufactured showcase for puppet bands manipulated by omnipresent svengali, should cast their minds back to the origins of modern pop, and Elvis Presley, who himself was little more than a phenomenon manufactured by Colonel “Tom” Saunders – the inventor of Kentucky Fried Chicken. 

BLUE PETER
It isn’t what it was, Blue Peter. It’s gone all funky now, with the off-their-face presenters larging it during a techno interpretation of the main titles. It may be the world’s longest-running childrens’ programme, but the innocence of the show is gone.

THE A-TEAM
It just wouldn’t happen today: a kid-orientated TV show, scheduled for tea-time Saturday on ITV, in which the main protagonists - and intended role-models - were a mix of gun-wielding chain-smoker, social misfit-cum-thug, womanising egotist, and a ‘comedy’ paranoid schizophrenic (or, if you’d rather, "crazy damn fool"). 

PLANET OF THE APES  
There can be such a thing as milking a good idea too far, and 20th Century Fox milked its Planet Of The Apes license until its teats turned blue, then black, and then fell off altogether.


ALTERNATIVE COMEDY
A buzzword (or, more accurately, “buzzphrase”) from 1980s Britain which, along with “yuppies”, “Thatcherism” and “le Bon”, has little relevance in the informationsuperhighway-
overloadedhighbandweb- connectedBlair-
Britaingirlpowered-
NewLaboured 21st Century. This can, in part, be attributed to the fact that many of the alternative comics from the 1980s are now the comic mainstream in this new Britain.

ADVERTOONS
In 1969 the US television networks were shaken to their core and beaten about the neck and lungs until they coughed up flakes of matter; the Federal Communications Commission deemed that ABC’s Hot Wheels show – based upon Mattel’s toy vehicles of the same name – was "designed primarily to promote the sale of a sponsor's product, rather than to serve the public by either entertaining or informing it”. 


THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF DISNEY
Some time shortly after The Sword In The Stone, Disney lost the plot - quite literally. 
BAND AID
Nowadays, pop stars getting together to save the world is a considered passe. 

KNIGHT RIDER  
"Knight Rider, a shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist. Michael Knight, a young loner on a crusade to champion the cause of the innocent, the helpless, the powerless in a world of criminals who operate above the law…"
MORPH
Back in the Sixties, BBC art department staple Tony Hart, the notorious homosexual-style heterosexual, created a comic strip for Blue Peter entitled "The Adventures Of Paki - The Indian Elephant".

CRISPS
Generally speaking, being British (and, more specifically, English) is rubbish. Fact is, everyone hates us.   Something that sets us apart from Johnny Foreigner.  It’s something that he’ll never understand, nor get his hands on: the potato crisp.  

POPULAR MAGIC   
There’s this photo that’s been doing the rounds in media circles for years now. It’s a photo of Debbie McGee, relatively attractive young wife of conjuring abomination Paul Daniels. Specifially, it’s a photograph – a Polaroid photograph – of McGee engaging in a certain explicit sex act.

KURT COBAIN’S SUICIDE
On April 5th 1994, Nirvana’s Kurt Cobain pointed a gun to his head and pulled the trigger. Unlucky for him that it was loaded. Two days later a workman – a man visiting Cobain’s home to do some work – discovered the grunge pioneer’s mashed-up head, still mostly attached to his body, and alerted the authorities.
NOVELTY RECORDS  
You’d think that by now the novelty record was a thing of the past, left to rot in an era where it was okay to be wacky, and radio DJs weren’t concerned with irony. But, let’s face it, would some of these godawful rap record sell half as well if it they aren’t based around deliberately kitsch samples from Oliver or Knight Rider?

SEA MONKEYS
Sea Monkeys existed to spite any British reader of American comics throughout the 60s, 70s and 80s.
DOUBLE ACTS
Morecambe And Wise, The Two Ronnies, Cannon And Ball, Little And Large, Les Dennis And Dustin Gee – these were true comedy double acts. And mostly, they were appalling.

ROLF HARRIS
Having just turned 70, Rolf Harris’s showbusiness career has spanned more than four decades. He had a number one single in his native Australia in 1960 with Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport...

THE BRITPOP IMPLOSION
It happened by accident, but was inevitable nonetheless. An unconscious reaction to grunge, and the US musical invasion of the early 90s, Britpop was born, and for the briefest of eyeblinks it was cool to British again. 

PRACTICAL JOKES
“Oh no! Look, mum – the dog done a poo poo on the carpet!”  
“Why that little… I’ll have to clean it up. What the…? This is a plastic doggie poo! Ha ha ha! I feel like a proper Charlie!”
ACTION MAN
Our American readers may know him as GI Joe, but it’s very likely that they, like every young British owner of an Action Man, simulated copulation twixt the eagle-eyed boy-doll and their sisters’ Barbies.

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