THE HYPER DIMENSIONAL RESONATOR
http://www.home.inreach.com/dov/tthdr.htm

Everyone knows that Albert Einstein talked rubbish. Supposedly, right, according to him, stuff like light and gravity are affected by planets. Apparently, according to this so-called “Einstein”, if you shone a really bright light at a planetary body, the light would bend around it. Hey – we’ve got a really posh Maglite torch, and we once stayed on a farm on a hill in Wales, and we were able to shine the torch – IN A STRAIGHT LINE – onto an opposite hill, thus making a mockery of Einstein’s supposed “physics”. Also, why would cars need dipped headlights if light gets sucked to the ground in some “magical” fashion?

The other thing Einstein used to crow on about – when he wasn’t scrawling his street tag, “E=MC2”, on bus shelters – was time travel. Einstein wasn’t stupid enough to rule out time travel altogether (which is just as well, because Doctor Who and Back To The Future proved that it CAN work), but he did say you’d need a tremendous amount of energy to travel in time. And he also said a load of stuff about alternate dimensions, and atoms.

But get this, Einstein; the people behind the Hyperdimensional Resonator have invented a time machine that plugs into a regular power socket, can be used to travel wherever you want in the time stream, and it costs a mere $360.

Just check out this reliable information from the Resonator’s official website: “THIS IS A TWO DIAL, ONE BANK TREATMENT INSTRUMENT, WHICH PLUGS INTO A NORMAL 110V OUTLET. THIS DEVICE GENERATES AN AC/DC, 60-CYCLE, ALTERNATING FREQUENCY WHICH GENERATES AN UNLIMITED AMOUNT OF WHITE LIGHT ENERGY. THIS DEVICE COMES EQUIPPED WITH A WITNESS WELL, PHENOLIC RUBBING PLATE, MULTI- DIMENSIONAL STABILIZER, CLEAR SWITCH, POWER SWITCH, TIME COILS, AND ONE ELECTROMAGNET.”

If such exhaustive technical specifications simple baffle you, this following extract may clear things up some: “AMONG OTHER THINGS, THIS UNIT CAN ALSO BE USED FOR OUT OF THE BODY TIME TRAVEL. AS FAR AS THE PHYSICAL ASPECTS ARE CONCERNED, YES YOU CAN USE THE HYPER-DIMENSIONAL RESONATOR FOR PHYSICAL TIME TRAVEL, BUT ONLY WHEN ACTIVATED OVER A NATURAL GRID POINT, OR IN A PLACE WHERE UFO'S ARE SIGHTED.”

But that’s OK – we know lots of Natural Grid Points near us. Best of all, each Resonator features an “electronic sensor coil”, designed to “help increase the stick reaction when using the rubbing plate”… We don’t know about plates, but we have a rubbing cushion we sometimes use to “increase our stick reaction”.

But how does this marvel of modern technology work? Here’s how: “THIS DEVICE WORKS JUST LIKE A RADIONICS MACHINE. IN OTHER WORDS, AFTER THE UNIT HAS BEEN CONNECTED TO A 11OV OUTLET, THE DIALS ON THE MACHINE ARE THEN TUNED RADIONICALLY FOR THE YEAR, MONTH, AND DAY THAT YOU WISH TO TRAVEL TO.”

If you’re still not convinced that the Resonator is capable of transporting you to, say, Victorian England, you can also purchase some Double Terminated Quartz Crystals. Once placed inside the Resonator’s “Witness Well”, the crystals (a snip at $12 each) will “GREATLY IMPROVE ITS PERFORMANCE FOR WHAT- EVER THE PURPOSE MIGHT BE. THESE CRYSTALS AVERAGE FROM 1" TO 3" IN LENGTH.”

We’ve placed our order already! See you circa 32AD!

http://www.home.inreach.com/dov/tthdr.htm