TEN CELEBRITIES, AND THE
JOBS THEY HAD BEFORE THEY WERE FAMOUS
10. Jamie Theakston
(pimp)
9. Sting (evil scientist)
8. George Michael (pimp)
7. Barbara Windsor (wrestler)
6. Robin Williams (astronaut)
5. Jim Carrey (bounty hunter)
4. Liam Gallagher (masseuse)
3. Harrison Ford (pimp)
2. John Wayne (supervillain)
1. Noel Edmonds (coppers’ nark)
PEOPLE WHO LOOK A BIT LIKE
OTHER PEOPLE
10. Jack Dee (that bloke out
of Due South)
9. Neil Kinnock (Mr Burns out of The Simpsons)
8. Richard Gere (Mulder out of The X-Files)
7. Timothy Dalton (Captain Picard out of Star Trek if he had hair)
6. Billy Joel (Sylvester Stallone)
5. John Peel (Merlin)
4. Ainsley Harriot (Lenny Henry)
3. Jay Leno (Griff Rhys Jones)
2. A young Alec Guiness (a living Peter Sellers)
1. Ian Beale out of EastEnders (a horrible zombie)
Famous Last Words
10. "I bet you fifty
quid I can shoot myself in the face and survive."
9. "That hole’s not so deep."
8. "Hahaha! Driving down the wrong side of the motorway while drunk
is great."
7. "Don’t be stupid. There’s no such thing as lions."
6. "Ooh, look - the snake wants a kiss!"
5. "This electric fire should make my bath water warmer..."
4. "Heh heh. They’ll never find me if I hide in this air-tight
box."
3. "Auto-erotic asphyxiation is great!"
2. "Shut-up. I AM Superman. Just watch."
1. "Wheeeeeeeeeeee!"
REAL NAMES OF FAMOUS PEOPLE
10. Micky Winkle (Mick
Jagger)
9. Frazier Handshorts (Prince)
8. Teddy F. Faddybollox (Kevin Costner)
7. Desmond Ring (Mr T)
6. Leonard Germston-crap (Leonardo di Caprio)
5. Olive Bent (Uma Thurman)
4. Darius Farius (Robin Williams)
3. Columbia Maddadonadon (Sting)
2. Estus Fadprik (Bono)
1. Miguel Dong (Elton John)
POOR IDEAS FOR GENUTAINMENT
TV SHOWS
10. Police, Camera,
Christopher Biggins!
9. When Shopkeepers Fall Over!
8. Police, Camera, Littering!
7. When Animals Get Bored!
6. Police, Camera, Another Camera!
5. When Fat People Get Stuck In Lifts!
4. Police, Camera, Sack Race!
3. When Vicars Choke!
2. Police, Camera, Pub Crawl!
1. When Fridges Defrost!
TOP TEN CARRY ON FILMS THAT
NEVER WERE
10. Carry On Human Beatbox
9. Carry On Burma Railway
8. Carry On Chairman Mao
7. Carry On League Of Nations
6. Carry On Chainsaw Massacre
5. Carry On Polio
4. Carry On Kill All Ducks
3. Carry On Follow That Muslim!
2. Carry On Mummified Cats
1. Carry On Follow That Muslim...Again!
REALLY BAD CHOICES TO PLAY
DOCTOR WHO
10. Nigel from EastEnders
9. Noddy Holder
8. Jeremy Clarkson
7. The Late Rod Hull & Emu
6. Bob Carolgees
5. Ringo Starr
4. Wolf out of Gladiators
3. David Essex
2. Lovejoy
1. Jarvis Cocker
POTENTIAL SEQUELS TO HONEY,
I SHRUNK THE KIDS
10. Honey, I Burnt The
Casserole
9. Honey, I Violated Your Mother
8. Honey, I Spat In Your Tea
7. Honey, I Swear I Mean It This Time
6. Honey, I Killed Some Kids
5. Honey, I Upended A Trash Can
4. Honey, I Kicked The Dog Up The Ass
3. Honey, I Spilt My Sunny Delight All Over The Seat
2. Honey, I Kicked The Dog Up The Ass... And Now He’s Bleeding From The
Ass
1. Honey, I’m Gay
LINES CUT FROM STAR WARS:
EPISODE ONE
10. "I bet this never
happened to Flash Gordon."
9. "Hey - look at what I can do with my lightsabre. Watch closely...
ready? Watch now... ow! Shit! Bloody hell. Pfff!"
8. "Dum-te-ta-dum-dum-dum-da - I’m Obi-Wan Kenobi!"
7. "Jar Jar just wet the bed."
6. "Ha ha. Very funny, Artoo. Now tell me where you hid my
trousers."
5. "I’m not crying. That idiot got sand in my eyes when he
pretended to be a dog."
4. "Now there’s peanut butter all over the controls..."
3. "Have you finished with the felt tip pens?"
2. "Don’t move - there’s a krayt dragon riiight behind you... oh,
wait. It’s just a rock."
1. "Let’s see your all-powerful Force hold back the full fury of my
chronic flatulence."
